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Every so often, however, one drops in who pretends that he is above what he calls "mundane name-calling" or "unwarranted attacks," all the while continuing to provoke people by being deliberately obtuse and blockheaded, all the while making petty and snide comments.
This type of twit no doubt believes that he is being cagy, clever, crafty, and subtle, by replying to messages which point out his shortcomings, however helpfully they do it, only obliquely. He is invariably too parochial and mind blocked by an egocentric belief in his own inoffensiveness to realize that he isn't fooling anyone but himself.
I have dubbed this type of person The Passive-Aggressive Twit.
--Michael Nellis 07 Oct 96
Because of this handicap, most Twits are unemployed. It is a miracle that most of them haven't been retained by the Country to pick up trash on the expressways. They'd gladly volunteer for it, if it could be done with a modem and they were called "Remote-Trash Downloaders".
The ONLY exception to this rule is that they will often use SOMEONE ELSE's real name. Or, they may use the name of a Heavy-Metal rock & roll group. (Imagine a system where everyone is named "Guns&Roses")
Dearest slobbering idiot with swine's drool for brains.
I am addressing this missive to All, instead of to your most pathetic and worthless self, in a blatant attempt to circumvent the echo guidelines which pertain to flaming and personal attacks.
Ordinarily, I would post a missive such as this in netmail, or simply ignore you all together, however, I have become somewhat irritable of late, due in large part, I am sure, to having stupid trash like you crawl out from under a slime coated rock to spew stupidity all over this region of cyberspace.
I am reasonably certain that you will recognize yourself by the quoted text below, however, and I fervently hope that this will incite you to take your semi-literate and subhuman self back to the pool of primorial slop of which you are a waste.
> [Quoted text deleted to avoid libel]
In as much as you are the fifth cretin to wander in here like a stumble-bum in the last two months, and subsequently fall flat on your face with yet another display of abject ignorance, I hope that you will understand that I might not be up to my usual standard of invective and scorn. Rest assured, I shall do everything in my power to assist you in comprehending just why I have no more regard for you, or anything you might say, than I have for any gibbering ape who is busy picking nits out of his groin and eating them.
Part of this lack of regard is due to the fact that you attempted to use a big word (big like marmelade), but that you apparently misspelled it. I assume it is misspelled because I could not find it in my dictionary. I did entertain some small notion that the word in question was a neologism, but quickly dismissed that idea as overblown hyperbole when I noted that you are quite incapabable of correctly spelling the first person pronoun "I."
Besides your execrable and willful ignorance of basic spelling and grammar, there is your moronic arrogance and your disputatious response to another echo participant who had the temerity to correct you because he also will not put up with a slack-jawed, mouth-breathing, pin-head dufus like you.
It is plain to see that you perceive yourself (I would have said "'think' of yourself", but that activity is, obviously, as far above you as quantum mechanics is above patty-cake), as a sh*t hot, hell-bent-for-leather, look-out-world-here-I-come writer and poet. Well, you're only part right in that perception. You're not quite sh*t hot, however, you're just sh*t.
Your poetry was juvenile, stupid, mind-numbingly boring, badly written, and not worth the waste of the oxygen you used to fire up all three functioning brain cells.
It never ceases to amaze me how a rank poseur and fraud such as you are can sit there and accuse other people of not being able to think after you have shut down your own brain's higher functions because of a naive and stupid belief that it is better to wallow in the Fool's Paradise of Illiterat-dom. Only a mountebank such as you gives any credence whatsoever to the notion that it is artistic, creative, and right, to crank out any kind of crap and call it art.
I suppose that by now, assuming you have read this far, assuming that you _can_ read, you are probably feeling sorry for yourself and rather picked on. After all, it isn't politically correct to actually think that a person should have to do anything difficult like work, nevermind actually to demand that they do so.
Heavens forfend! Of course, you must be politically correct, because otherwise you would not have been offended at being required to accept responsibility for your mindless drivel. Well, here's some bad news for you. We are not politically correct. We do not believe in protecting little children from the big bad world at large, because we know that if we do they will grow up to be spineless, brainless writers of really awful garbage. Just like you did.
However, it seems that we will have to put up with you for the short while it will take for you to annoy enough people that the moderator will cut your feed. You'll hang out in our Tavern with all of us big brutal grown ups, and you'll snivel and whine because we don't want to bother with petulant brats, and one day you'll be gone and we won't even notice.
Do yourself a favor. Wipe your drippy nose on your ditey and leave now.
Oh, yes. One more thing. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. You'd only blame us for it.
Your name is on my twit list.
Dismissed.
(Tagline) ... "you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!"
========================================================
BBS: Juxtaposition BBS
Date: 07-02-97 (16:34)
From: MICHAEL NELLIS
To: ALL
Subj: Celebrate Freedom! Conf: (6) Writing
-------------------------------------------------------
Specifically: To all newcomers and recent lurkers who might be watching and wondering about some of the threads and the personalities involved in them.
Ave.
On to our dissection of the twit archetypes exhibited in the quoted message.
Firstly, the twit, having already mired himself in deep doo-doo up to his moustache, will suddenly and unequivocally reveal his true self by spewing hate literature all over your monitor -- as in the following sample:
XX> >XX> Disney is a fag company now? Geez!
That having been done, when one of the persons in authority, in this case Co-moderator Jack Ruttan, points out that such behavior is inappropriate to the echo:
XX> JR> Hey man, perhaps you'd better take your hate speech somewhere XX> JR> else.
. . . the twit, in a brazen-arsed fit of stupidity, will invariably defy those whose sole real recourse to discipline is to throw the twit out of the echo:
XX> And maybe not, man.
Not content to stop there, the twit will further prove just how seven and a half million years of evolution can been wasted on someone whose species might be classed as Homo Babbling Idioten.
XX> Go Sieg heil to someone who cares, powerfreak person.
At one and the same time, the Homo Babbling Idioten displays a surprisingly wide range of character deficiencies. What makes this display so surprising is that the specimen clearly lacks the intellect for the perpetration to have been deliberate -- yet, that the beautiful economy in which so many characteristics are exhibited can happen by accident is absolutely mind boggling.
A precedent for this case can be found in the act of disparate chemicals coming together to form amino acids, then proteins, then increasingly complex forms of life until an intelligent species finally evolves to be boggled by the Homo Babbling Idioten in the first place.
According to Isaac Asimov, the chances of the hemoglobin molecule alone happening is something like ten to the one hundred sixty-second power. I shudder at the notion of attempting to make a similar calculation to explain the twit, yet how can such an occurrance be any less astronomically at odds?
Certainly it could not have escaped your notice that at in one fell swoop the twit involved in the above quotes displayed his own pro-nazi/anti-humanistic, frothing-at-the-mouth-hatred while accusing others of being nazis because, unlike the twit, those others recognized that Rights and Freedoms do not extend to cover lies, misinformation, or propaganda.
The twit is invariably unable to understand that Freedom of Speech pertains to expression of one's opinion, not that one is allowed to express statements which are diametrically opposed to human dignity and in which people can be demanded to be treated without any respect for their Rights and Freedoms by the by Homo Babbling Idioten who is simultaneously so loudly whining about his being trampled on.
This is the hallmark of the true hypocrite: To call the exercise of demanding selective Rights and Freedoms a Right or Freedom in itself.
It is by this that the real nazi might be known; it is by this that the hate monger reveals his true colors; it is by this that one might recognize bigotry.
As has already happened, the twit, in the course of attempting to camoflage himself, will almost inevitably and invariably accuse the people he is attempting to bamboozle of being so short-sighted that they can not see how he is engaged in a farce, a practical joke in which he is presenting himself as he is not. He will state that either they do not have his finely tuned sense of humour (which sense twits do not have in any way, shape, or form, finely tuned or otherwise) or they do not have the skills required to see through his "charade."
In fact, the real charade is the attempt to confuse what is obvious and clear to any person who chooses to think for himself: That the twit really is a twit.
Attempting to refute Homo Babbling Idioten is a waste of time and effort, for his parochialism is so deeply entrenched and firmly a part of his narrow little world, that the only method by which he might divested of it requires the outright destruction of the raving lunatic in question.
Which, in my never, ever humble opinion, is definitely a good idea.
SM> Good Lord, man, did you *really* need to quote fifty lines
SM> to add one?
Of course he did. It's one of the earmarks of a twit. Another one is: Eschew brevity and clarity for your tripe are as pearls of wisdom to others of your creed.
I've got the feeling that outright twits far and away outnumber the poetic twits. We just seem to be going through a spate of poetic twits at the moment. No doubt you've noticed that we still have the garden variety, however, in the form of XXXX XXXXXX, et al.
AAMOF, I've come up with a theory. It's a given that waves of twits show up in conjunction with certain events. Most notable are those that show up just after New Year. Those, of course, are the bunch that got modems for Christmas.
Last year, I noticed that a second wave also shows up in early spring. It is my contention that this wave results from the people who got modems for spring break, in lieu of travel.
--Michael Nellis
Michael, I believe your theory has merit. However, if I may, I suggest it is possible the early spring wave may also be composed of twits who received modems for Christmas. These would simply be the ones suffering more severe forms of hardware installation deficit disorder. This retarded outbreak would then be understood as merely another manifestation of hysteresis in cyberium.
--Dean McCollum
Hmmmmm. An interesting hypothesis, Dr. Dean. It would certainly stand to reason in light of the lack of a clear demarcation between seasons. The Christmas retards are just figuring things out, and they sort of blend in with the early birds (sorry, Rich), from the Spring Break mob.
--Michael Nellis
You can be the hunter or the huntee. You choose. By the way, it's important to note that the second choice is entirely unpleasant.
--Michael Tauson
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