(Return to Top of main volume)
(Return to Encyclopedia Introduction)
1. The myth of gay recruitment. I can find a spouse from the existing pool of gay people the Creator created. I am not out to convert you or your kids. Don't want to. Don't need to. God gave me plenty of people to choose from. I chose one already.
2. Being gay is about more than sex. My gayness is based in love, not sex. I have an emotional, intimate connection with my spouse. Sure, we have sex, but it doesn't define us as a couple, or as people. She rocks, in and out of bed.
3. Pedophiles come in all forms. There are "bad gay people" just as there are "bad straight people." We've got some pedophiles among our group; so do you -- you actually have more, because there are more of you. Can we agree to focus on fighting pedophilia? Gay, straight. Doesn't matter. Pedophiles are bad for kids.
4. The gay community is diverse. We are not all men in leather thongs with feather boas dancing on top of Gay Pride Parade floats. (Gotta love 'em.) We're not all male, all white, all rich or all anything else. (Also, we're not all liberal. Ever heard of the Log Cabin Republicans?)
5. Some of us believe in God. If James Lipton of the Actor's Studio ever has occasion to interview me, I have a ready-made answer to one of his standard questions. When I arrive at Heaven's Pearly Gates, the first thing I hope to hear God say is: "Yes, Jennifer, you have a reservation -- but I'm afraid I don't see Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell on the list." The God I believe in is loving, liberatory and downright radical. (OK, I know wishing hell on anyone isn't exactly a demonstration of loving. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned....)
6. I already can get married in a church. Some Christian denominations allow for this. Others don't. I'm not asking your church to bless me and my spouse. When it comes to "gay marriage," all we're after is the civil stuff. You know, things like having the rights of a spouse when my partner's dying in the hospital. Being able to be a Mom to our kids, in a legally protected way. Those sorts of things.
7. Slurs go both ways (pun intended.) The gay community has names for you, too. I won't call you a "breeder," if you don't call me a "sodomite." (I admit "breeder" has less of a sting to it, sort of like "cracker" for white folks.)
8. Rainbows belong to us. Please quit putting rainbow stickers on your cars. Please quit hanging rainbow flower leis on your rearview mirrors. Contrary to popular belief, not all of us are equipped with 100-percent accurate gaydar, and if you have rainbows all over your person or property, we may well assume you are a "member of the family."
9. Gay TV belongs to straight people. With the ratings that "Will & Grace" boasts each season, I suspect a lot of straight people are glued to their TV sets week after week. Gay folks aren't the ones keeping Gay TV alive. We're a small portion of the market share. Were you -- or anyone you know -- watching "Ellen" reruns last night? Or "Queer as Folk"? Or, heaven forbid, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"? Or, gads, "Boy Meets Boy"?
10. We notice your inconsistencies. If you really, really don't like gay people and think gay sex is disgusting, quit buying porn with women having sex with women. (That's gay sex. In some cases, it's bisexual sex, if a real -- not plastic -- penis is involved.) Americans spend a billion dollars a year on porn; it's been a long time since someone produced a "straight" porn film that didn't have two women going at it. If you quit buying this stuff, maybe the porn industry would fold -- something that, I think, might benefit women across all orientations. Go ahead. Do it. Call me a conservative.
A true DOM knows that the enjoyment of beauty is a thing onto itself, and does not necessarily have to be followed or supported by any other action. He is made happy by the world, he knows that he really owns it without having to prove it, and he is not ashamed by his happiness and enjoyment. DOMAI is all about the beauty of pretty girls. For aesthetics is the most important thing there is; that is our philosophy. DOMAI is not really about women, but about the beauty of women. "Pretty Young Girls" are of any age, not just young girls. These certainly have a special aesthetic, but even an 80-year-old can be a PYG if she has class.
[...]
A few people have had a bad emotional reaction to the term "dirty old man", as regards this club. Well, that is why I spell it Dirty Old Man. Let's take a look at the term "dirty old man": So, in the middle of the street, you look with obvious pleasure at some Pretty Young Girl. Someone immediately calls you a "dirty old man". Why?
Regarding "man": Actually, some of the people I know who get the greatest pleasure out of looking a beautiful women are girls themselves. And not lesbians either. They simply and honestly enjoy the aesthetics. Regarding "dirty": Supposing it is not always just aesthetics. Suppose sometimes you are actually thinking "boy, I'd like to get with her". Let me ask: what is "dirty" about that? If that instinct were to disappear, what do you think would happen to the human race within a generation or two? Gone as the Dodo, is what.
Regarding "old": what is that all about? Do you lose your rights to think and to look as you grow older? Or what? Seriously, I don't get it. So let us get rid of that idea. You have the right to think and to look at whatever you want, and others do also.
Which is why I with malicious pleasure term myself Dirty Old Man, because I don't care about all that nonsense.
There is no such thing as a "dirty old man". It is simply a derogatory term used by people to make others feel bad about looking and thinking, and so make them withdraw. Don't withdraw. It is simply not possible to be unethical in your thinking and your looking. It is only possible to be unethical in doing.
It is permitted to look at anything and anybody in a public place. If freedom of expression is a basic right, how much more so the right to think and to look?
It is quite possible that a too great fixation on one thing is a bad thing for you. (Notice that admiring female beauty does not even have to be a sexual thing. For many it is primarily an aesthetic proposition.) But that is your personal problem to adjudicate. Nobody else's business.
There is nothing dirty or unethical about enjoying the sight of a beautiful woman. Personally I find it either unperceptive or dishonest not to do so. It is even unfair. Most beautiful women use a lot of time and energy to appear their best, and it seems rather illogical to suggest that they do all this work so nobody shall look. It seems to me that to ignore it or to pretend one does not notice, is simply mean or silly.
--Eolake Stobblehouse, 14 Feb 2003
[2]: Let us imagine that you are a dirty old man but are dedicated to keeping it a secret because you are a bank vice-president and are interested in exuding an odor of sanctity so that no one will notice, until it is too late, that you are preparing to abscond [run away]. Now a lovely girl walks past you with a dress whose neckline is generously loose and under which there is clearly and obviously no bra. What do you do?
What you do is roll your eyes briefly in their sockets with the eyelashes lowered so that no one will see what you are doing. The result? You don't see anything at all, except perhaps for one flash of quiver that is far more upsetting than sating.
And what is the girl's reaction? She sees that flicker of eye even if no one else does (since she's watching for it) and despises you as a rotten little coward. You see that look of contempt in her eye (for it goes through you like an ice pick) and your self-esteem is shattered. Indeed, there is a very good chance that the girl will instantly realize that a man who would look at her with so miserably sidelong a glance is a man who would abscond with every cent of the banks property and she will inform on you at once.
But suppose you are not only a dirty old man, but are proud of it, too, and suppose the same girl walks by in the same condition. Now it is possible to be joyous and open. You can emit a melodious whistle or a snort of pleasure. You can stare openly. You can walk over to get a closer view. You can address the girl in friendly fashion.
And how does the girl react? She is pleased that she has created such an obvious stir in a gentleman of such substantial and prosperous appearance. She realizes that you agree with her own opinion of herself and this can't help but impress her with the excellence of your taste. Seeing in you a person whom she can respect, she will think, "What a nice, gentlemanly old man," and will smile at you. From that to a friendly word or two is but a step, and from that to a pat on the cheek or some slight pressure on the upper arm is but another.
You own self-esteem will shoot up and if you are the vice-president of a bank, you will be so buoyed up by all the this that you will go right to your office and put back all the money. This is only one example of many I can cite in which being an open and honest dirty old man is an enormous aid to public morality.
--Isaac Asimov, The Sensuous Dirty Old Man
[...]
The purpose of Dirty Old Men's Association International is to spread moral support and shared enjoyment amongst like-minded men, and to let you know that you are not alone. Millions of closet DOMs over the world have rising pulses when springtime comes around, with the skirts again rising towards the sky; join us in the movement to make this an accepted natural practice. The blood runs vigorously in our veins at the sight of the sun shining through a white blouse; let us elevate DOMs to the point where they may show their natural appreciation. Our eyes follow lovingly the springy curves of young calves; while our ears are listening, our eyes are taking in the beauty of the amazingly mutable shapes of healthy red lips smiling and talking. We know what we see and what we like, and we know it is all a part of life and God's gift to us all.
We live in a world where base instincts rule the day, war and fighting are the normal behavior of Homo Sapiens. In a world like this the free spirit has a hard time; its motives are always questioned and suspected; his and her behavior is sought to be controlled and modified; it is held down, excluded and fought. Meat creatures cannot believe in higher motivations than food and reproduction.
Well, the fact of the matter is that the design of the human female form, apart from everything else, is one of our greatest works of art. The Dirty Old Men's Association International was founded as a protest against the short-sightedness of attackers of those who admire beauty, and as a club supporting the admirers. Joining it is a statement that you love looking at pretty girls, and that you are not ashamed of it. While we are not against sex, that is not what we are promoting. What we
promote is beauty, and those who love it.
--Eolake Stobblehouse, 14 Feb 2003
While the idea of friends occasionally sleeping together is not new, what is a phenomenon is how widespread it has become. Many teens have recently reported having had such arrangements, and possibly even more adults. Lack of time for an emotionally-committed relationship and lack of interest were often cited as reasons for choosing the more no-strings-attached feel that friends with benefits carries. Also, unlike casual sex or the bar scene, for instance, friends with benefits can give both
parties a little more security and comfort than an anonymous, one-night stand might.
--Go Ask Alice! web site, 23 Jul 2004
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing. What's for dinner?"
[2] In adults, masturbation is derogated as the default practice of the immature, undesirable, and desperate. In children, it represents everything grown-ups envy and dislike about the young: their dreaminess, hedonism, fidgetiness, solipsism, secrets, and endless excretion of slimy body fluids. As sex, it is disreputable. Not quite homosexual, but even less heterosexual, masturbation is extramarital, nonfamilial, nonprocreative, meaningless, and eminently casual. And it is
antisocial.
--Judith Levine, Harmful to Minors, pg 184
They're going to be called: . . .
"Pre-dick-a-mints."
Here, we mourn the passing of traditional baseball analogies to describe sexual activity. Let's face it, there are more than four stages in today's day and age of sex play. So, in the interest of both bringing baseball sex metaphors in line with the complications of modern romance and standardizing the bases themselves, we present the Newly revised guide to the bases.
First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old days.
Well that system is ok, if you are a young teenager with a repressed sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new factors enter the equation, such as oral sex (a.k.a. the sloppy)? And what about the exact definitions? Well we have attempted to answer such puzzling questions and present without further ado...
The Newly Revised Guide to the Bases:
Now that we've got the basics, let's introduce some terms to better explain all the things that can happen now a days.
Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast the old confusion with our current clarity.
OLD WAY: we um got to third base I guess and then we um got like past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her.
NEW WAY: first, there was a triple, then we got an inside the park home run, and started thinking, it's hall of fame time.
NEW WAY: So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and I had to call in a relief pitcher.
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in the basement of the Dwight House Pub. It has been sent around the world nine times. Now sex has been sent to you.
The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this message provided you, in turn, send it on. If you don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?). Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price. Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours. Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days.
Sexuality is a changing and dynamic dimension of humanity. It is constructed through the interaction between the individual and social structures. It is present throughout the life cycle, harmonizing identity and creating and /or strengthening interpersonal bonds.
Sexual pleasure, including autoeroticism, is a source of physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual well-being. It is associated with a conflict-free and anxiety-free experience of sexuality, allowing, therefore, social and personal development.
We hereby urge that societies create the conditions to satisfy the needs for the full development of the individual and respect the following SEXUAL RIGHTS:
The right to freedom, which excludes all forms of sexual coercion, exploitation and abuse at any time and in all situations in life. The struggle against violence is a social priority. All children should be desired and loved.
The right to autonomy, integrity and safety of the body. This right encompasses control and enjoyment of our own bodies, free from torture, mutilation and violence of any sort.
The right to sexual equity and equality. This refers to freedom from all forms of discrimination, paying due respect to sexual diversity, regardless of sex, gender, age, race, social class, religion and sexual orientation.
The right to sexual health, including availability of all sufficient resources for development of research and the necessary knowledge of HIV/AIDS and STDs, as well as the further development of resources for research, diagnosis and treatment.
The right to wide, objective and factual information on human sexuality in order to allow decision-making regarding sexual life.
The right to a comprehensive sexuality education from birth and throughout the life cycle. All social institutions should be involved in this process.
The right to associate freely. This means the possibility to marry or not, to divorce, and to establish other types of sexual associations.
The right to make free and responsible choices regarding reproductive life, the number and spacing of children and the access to means of fertility regulation.
The right to privacy, which implies the capability of making autonomous decisions about sexual life within a context of personal and social ethics. Rational and satisfactory experience of sexuality is a requirement for human development.
Human sexuality is the origin of the deepest bond between human beings and is essential to the well-being of individuals, couples, families and society. Therefore, the respect for sexual rights should be promoted through all means.
SEXUAL HEALTH IS A BASIC AND FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHT.
Approved June 1997
(Return to SEXUAL RIGHTS)
(Return to Top of main volume)
(Return to Encyclopedia Introduction)